As I type this, Gregg and I
are driving down a seemingly never-ending highway known as the Arizona
Strip. A long stretch of road surrounded
by red dirt and sage brush, blue skies from one end of the horizon to the
other, interrupted by little puffed clouds now and then. It’s beautiful and
gives my hurting heart hope.
Yesterday I woke up and thought,
This is it. This is the day I say goodbye to my
daughter for eighteen months.
As I rolled out of bed and onto
my knees, I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told Him how hard this was, and how much I
knew it was going to hurt. I also told
Him that I knew, without a doubt, that if He would help me, I could do it. Then I prayed for Sadie to have strength and
peace and joy in this journey. Then I
prayed for Madisen and her family, and I prayed for her flight to go well, without
delays or problems. When I got to this
part, I suddenly felt very uneasy. I
finished my prayer, but continued thinking about Madisen.
About two hours later Gregg got a phone
call from Madisen’s mom. He came
downstairs to give Sadie and I the news…Madisen had missed her six a.m. flight.
She would have to be rescheduled for a later flight. Sadie and I looked at each
other and I knew we were both thinking the same thing.
How
are we going to do this without her? She
was our sweet blessing to make this drop off thing possible. We were going to
be there for her when her family couldn’t. Why had this happened???
I have been around long enough to know that
God’s plan for us is often full of a whole bunch of twists, turns, and detours
that we’d rather not take. I’ve also learned
that trusting His plan and having faith usually works out better for me. So, I put on my brave mom face, and said,
It’ll
be okay. And Madisen will be okay.
It took everything I had hold back my
tears the rest of the morning, but I knew I had to for Sadie’s sake. She packed and repacked one more time. We convinced her to go to lunch even though
she said she wasn’t hungry. She managed
to eat a pastrami on rye from jason’s deli, and as we drove back to pick up her
luggage, we were hit with an emotional sight.
As Sadie glanced into the lane next to us, she noticed another family in
a truck. The dad was in the driver seat and next to him was a young man looking very nervous. He was about
Sadie’s age, and wearing a suit and tie. Sadie commented,
I
bet he’s checking into the MTC too!
The truck pulled ahead of us and as we turned
left, the other dad turned right and we watched as his brake lights flashed and
he slowed and signaled to turn into the MTC.
At this point, Sadie was one hour from her check-in time and neither one
of us could stand the anticipation for another second. And suddenly, we both
erupted with this kind of teenage scream/ yell thing,
Oh
my gosh! Oh my gosh!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!
Me…
Sadie,
you’re going on a mission!!!!
Sadie…
Ahhhh!!!!!
I’m really doing it!!!!!!!
This little release was just what we
needed to get us through to 1:03 p.m. And then it was time. Sadie gave her aunt we’d
been staying with a kiss and hug and we climbed into Gregg’s truck for the
final ride. It takes less than five minutes to go from where we were staying to the
MTC. As we drove out, I kind of felt like my heart might come out of my chest as
I tried to remember to breathe. I kept thinking “I wish Madisen and Sadie were
going in together. Maybe just thinking they would be was the blessing we needed
to get to this point.” And then, one second later, Sadie said,
I
think just believing Madisen would be with us was what I needed to keep me sane
this week.
Yep, goosebumps for me.
Then Sadie started to say,
I
just want you to know how much I love you both...
and then broke off.
Gregg came to the rescue,
We
know babe! We love you. We’re so proud
of you!
And then I said,
There’s a
whole lot I want to say right now, but I hope you already know it, and if I do,
I’ll cry.
At this point we are almost
there and I am about having an anxiety attack but don’t want Sadie to
know. So, I roll down my window and take
in as much fresh air as I can get. And
then, as we’re turning into the MTC Sadie says,
Roll
up your window Mom!
And then she does one more of
those “I think I’m going to blow up!” screams and then we are all laughing and
crying at the same time.
There’s a man directing traffic at the
gate. He gives Gregg a few instructions, and then says with a very kind smile,
“Good luck mom!” As we pulled around the corner to the “drop
off”, there are little stations with numbers all along the curb, at least thirty. The car in front of us pulls away and we pull
into station number one. All of the
stations are “hosted” by an elder or sister missionary who helps the incoming
missionary get situated. Usually it’s
missionary who is going on a foreign mission (and is spending at least a couple
of weeks in the MTC). So, we hop out of
the truck and are greeted by this cutest sister missionary (leaving for Sweden
on Monday) who announces to me,
Okay Mom,
first you have to give me a hug!
So I started laughing and
crying even harder and happily give her one. Then these three elder missionaries
come over and help Gregg unload Sadie’s luggage. And then, it was really, really time.
So
we hugged and kissed our daughter and smiled and cried as we watched her walk away
into the next adventure of her life.
And as Gregg and I drove away
I almost jumped out of our truck to run back and give her one last hug. But I
didn’t. I knew it would be too hard for both of us. And remember, I promised to send her off with
a smile.
And I did.
